Are we happier alone or with others when we feel socially anxious?

Are those of us experiencing social anxiety happier alone?

It would be easy to assume that someone experiencing social anxiety is happier alone than with other people. After all, feeling socially anxious means fearing social situations and, to avoid potential rejection, criticism and ridicule, we tend to avoid social interactions. This belief can fuel our desire to hide ourselves away and avoid socialising, thinking we’ll feel better if we are by ourselves… but do we?

Well, does it surprise you to learn that this isn’t true? A recent research study found that people who experience social anxiety are happier with others than they are when they’re alone. Perhaps you intuitively knew that anyway? After all, as human beings we’re wired for connection and every one of us has a longing for closeness with others –it’s a basic human need. Previous studies have even suggested that our need for belongingness is likely to be stronger when we experience social anxiety.

Now, we’re not saying that this means you’re not going to feel a sense of anxiety and other uncomfortable emotions when in social situations, but we do want you to know that it is entirely possible to feel a mix of positive and negative emotions at the same time in any given situation –and we do. This means that feeling anxious or worrying about socialising does not stop you from experiencing positive emotions during social interactions; in fact, people who experience social anxiety can and do experience good feelings during social interactions and even enjoy socialising, despite any anxious feelings they might also have.

Interestingly, the results of the study also found that people experiencing social anxiety feel similar levels of negative emotions both during social interactions and in time alone. Which means that, if reducing those uncomfortable feelings is the goal, avoiding social interactions might be a misguided coping strategy that unhelpfully limits the positive emotions that we could be feeling, rather than preventing us from experiencing negative emotions.

People who experience social anxiety tend to spend less time with close friends. Yet, spending time with close friends and partners has been proven to increase the positive emotions that we feel -and positive emotions can actually make us more resilient and better able to cope in difficult situations.

So, when we’re making avoiding uncomfortable emotions our priority, we’re limiting the experiences that can generate positive emotions within us. We miss out on moments of laughter, joy, connection, belonging, contentment, awe, love and excitement in life (and so much more!) because of the choices we make, so we end up feeling positive emotions less often. And for what? Living in this way means we often end up experiencing negative emotions anyway –just without the positive!