Welcome to the delightfully awkward, shy, quieter ones
(and hello if you're here supporting someone too!)
Dear quiet one,
We hear you. And we know you feel like no one else does.
You think you should be able to do certain things -like calmly chatting with strangers, confidently speaking up in a group and perfectly presenting to an audience- just because other people seem to manage with ease.
It can feel like you’re the only person struggling. You want to be more confident, talk more freely and feel like you fit in. But it’s hard for you. We know how much speaking in front of people makes you panic. Your heart starts racing and your mind goes blank. You get frustrated at yourself because you can’t think of the right thing to say quickly enough, or you’ve just said the first thing that pops into your head, and now you’re worried people will laugh at you and judge you for it.
You hate being the centre of attention. You’ll do anything to avoid it. Simply having a conversation with someone you don’t know well and don’t feel comfortable with can seem impossible, so you find it difficult to make new friends. If only you could stop overthinking.
We see you quietly watching confident people chatting away, wishing you could be just like them.
The truth is, you’re sick of being the quiet one. The one that doesn’t speak. You can’t understand how speaking in front of people comes so easily to everyone else. You wonder if there’s something wrong with you, like maybe you’re broken, because surely you should be able to talk to people without stopping and stuttering and umm-ing and uhh-ing?
It’s as if the distance between your brain and your mouth is just so much further than it is for other people.
Your words get lost and jumbled along the way.
It’s embarrassing, but you don’t know how to change it.
Hi, we're Stacie and Hayley...
Together, we help quieter people like you to feel more calm and confident so you can speak up when you need to, join the social group you want to, make new friends and go on dates without the panic, get the grades that you deserve, and… actually enjoy talking with people!
Because we’ve been where you are.
We know your pain, because we were the quiet ones too. The ones who would freak out whenever someone would talk to us. We know what it’s like to feel unable to ask for the help you need, and instead pretend to be okay. We've felt the fierce panic that the mere mention of the words ‘presentation’ and ‘interview’ can trigger.
We were so embarrassed about how ‘flawed’ we were, we just wanted to hide ourselves away. So we did everything we could to avoid speaking in front of people and being the centre of attention.
“I was the one who farted from fear during a weather forecast presentation at school. Safe to say it was windy that day!” - Stacie
There comes a time when you can no longer avoid speaking up and being seen...
You’re asking yourself...
- How can you go to university with new people if you can’t make friends and do presentations?
- What job can you do where you can hide in the background (and don’t have to endure another agonising interview)?
- How are you ever going to let anyone really know you (or even love you), if you're too afraid to be yourself?
- And how long, really, are you willing to put up with feeling rubbish about yourself?
When I had to face the ‘real world’, I felt stuck. Hopeless. A burden. I tried to end my life and landed in the Emergency Department.
I wish I had someone who understood me and could help me to use my voice before I was out in the world on my own. - Hayley
It doesn’t have to be this hard...
It’s taken us over a decade of research, counselling, reading, coaching, courses, training, and getting super uncomfortable in the name of growth, to collect enough puzzle pieces to understand what was going on for us and to learn how we can make changes for ourselves to show up how we want to in life.
We know it’s so hard because no one really talks about this (and seriously, who has a decade to spend trying to figure it all out for themselves?). That's why we feel it’s so important to share everything we have learned, because you shouldn’t have to feel alone, broken and ashamed the way that we did for so long.
We’ve been there. We’ve dived into the research for you.
We’re the reluctant queens of trial and error.
We have loads to share with you from our personal experiences –and we’re still learning and growing. But don’t be fooled by our relaxed approach. We’re professionals too.
It’s super important for us to feel confident in our own capabilities to help you, so between us we’ve taken five coach training courses which means we have a blend of brilliant tools to help you wherever you are in your journey. And because coaching is an unregulated industry, we maintain a Professional Membership with the Association of NLP to give you peace of mind too.
We’re no longer afraid to be seen.
Our younger selves would be amazed to see us now. We know how to show up in life even when we’re nervous (and we do still feel anxious, it’s a totally normal part of being human after all). It’s been said that we’re living examples of how confidence can shift, and we want this for you too.
Above all, we’ve learnt this...
You can change.
No, not change into someone new. Not become more extroverted than you were born to be. You can change in a way that gets you back to who you really truly are, underneath the fear, the masks and the avoidance.
It’s not about becoming something you’re not. It’s not even about ‘finding’ your voice. It’s simply about shifting your thoughts, feelings and behaviours in a way that lets the real you into the light. The ‘you’ who already has an important voice, just waiting to be heard. Because there is so much goodness in you, that you don’t see for yourself yet, that we believe the world absolutely needs to see.
- We love animals! Stacie spends her lunch breaks walking her beautiful rolly-polly Collie dog, Paris, while Hayley has the sweetest work companion in her second-hand cat baby, Little Bug(ger), who always likes to be close
- We’ve both reluctantly danced in public because it was easier than saying ‘no’. Hayley danced on the busy streets of Bristol, Cardiff and Plymouth while interning (that wasn’t in the role description!). Still, at least she wasn’t asked to tap dance on a stage dressed as a jammie dodger *ahem*
- We’ve each done a skydive, but while Stacie fell gracefully back to the earth, Hayley called forth her inner Dumbo and attempted to fly
- We’re super trusting. Once Hayley’s partner had her convinced that the plural for ambulance was ambuli, while Stacie had a seaweed fear for many years after believing a friend who told her that seaweed could bite you! Oh how we laughed!