A Quieter Approach to Halloween

I spend most Halloweens with my house lights off and curtains closed, hoping trick-or-treaters won’t knock on my door and expect me to socialise. Over the years I’ve turned it from pure avoidance into a comforting little ritual – a scary film in bed, snacks within reach, fairy lights for cosiness without being too visible – a lovely self care evening that has grown from a need for safety and quiet.

For some, Halloween is exciting, but for many of us, it can bring a rush of challenging feelings. There’s pressure to decorate, dress up, or join a party. You might be navigating many small, unpredictable interactions – like the doorbell ringing – or the worry of being judged for how much you’ve joined in. If you have children, there can also be a pressure to go trick-or-treating even when that feels like a lot. If this sense of low-level pressure sounds familiar, please know: you are not alone.

It’s Okay If You Don’t Love Halloween

There’s a lot of messaging this time of year about excitement and community. While those things can be lovely, it is perfectly okay if Halloween just isn’t your thing.

Perhaps you find the noise or the unexpected interactions overstimulating. Perhaps you are experiencing social anxiety right now, making those doorstep chats feel overwhelming. Experiencing things differently doesn’t mean you’re missing out or doing something wrong. Your way is entirely valid.

You never have to force yourself to join in just to meet someone else’s expectation. Choosing to stay home, keeping things low-key, or skipping the festivities altogether is a powerful act of self-care and just as valid a way to spend the evening.

You Can Decide How to Connect

If you want to be part of the season but want to bypass the stress, you have the power to create your own version of Halloween. You get to decide how to connect, and on what terms.

Maybe that looks like:

• Watching a cosy autumnal film with a few snacks and candles.
• Spending the evening at a trusted friend or family member’s house where you can enjoy the atmosphere in a predictable, contained setting.
• Decorating your space in a way that feels calming and comforting rather than loud.
• Saying yes to a smaller gathering or creative activity instead of a loud party.

It’s about finding joy and connection in a way that truly fits you.

Gentle Strategies for Staying Grounded

If you are joining a social situation like a party or trick-or-treating, and you find the experience feels hard sometimes, planning ahead can help you stay grounded.

You could try:

• Take a moment to ground yourself. Before you leave, take a few deep breaths, do a gentle stretch, or focus on the physical sensation of your feet on the ground or your hand on a piece of soft fabric or fidget toy.
• Set your limits ahead of time. Before the event, decide on your clear exit plan (a leaving time or a cut-off point). This permission to leave means you don’t have to pressure yourself to stay the entire evening.
• Bring a trusted person. Having someone familiar with you can make things feel safer and less unpredictable.
• Give yourself a “Quiet Check-in.” If you start to feel overstimulated, step away for a two-minute pocket of silence (e.g., a quiet bathroom or stepping outside) to gently reset your nervous system.
• Prepare a few easy phrases. Having a few simple conversation starters (or enders!) ready can significantly reduce the feeling of being put on the spot, especially during those quick, unpredictable interactions like trick-or-treating.
  • • The Quick Greeting: “Happy Halloween! I love your decorations.”
    • The Easy Exit: “It was lovely seeing you, but I should head off now.”
    • The Contained Question: “What’s the best costume you’ve seen tonight?”
    • The Trick-or-Treat Tactic: “Thanks so much for the treats! Have a great night.”

If you’d like to dive deeper into building confidence and calm, these resources might help:

• EFT for Social Anxiety – with Melanie Yates, Neuro Coach & EFT Therapist (podcast)
• 3 top tips for talking to people when you feel socially anxious (blog post)
• 3 Steps to More Social Confidence with Kyle Mitchell (webinar, YouTube)

Afterwards: Be Gentle With Yourself

However your night goes, take a moment afterwards to check in. If you tried something that stretched your comfort zone, please celebrate that step. If you decided to opt out this year, that is completely okay too. You don’t need to measure your night by how social you were. You can still find calm and comfort in a way that fits you.

Remember: you don’t have to perform to belong. Whether you’re surrounded by pumpkins and parties or hiding under a blanket with a film, you are doing just fine, and the real you is always welcome.