Dark feelings are like clouds crossing the sky
Do you ever feel down because you’re not where you want to be? Or think you’re not enough? You’re certainly not alone if you do. We all feel these doubts, no matter who we are, what we’ve achieved, or who we might have supporting us. Even coaches, counsellors, and psychologists experience these thoughts— it’s part of being human.
That’s where I find myself right now—a world of disappointment, self-doubt, and hopelessness. You might not see it unless you were here with me; I haven’t even felt like leaving the house most days. If it weren’t for my partner’s gentle nudges to step outside, I might not have left at all this week. He knows, as I do deep down, that water has a way of soothing the soul, so he’s been steering us both towards the sea.
Even our cat, Bug, can sense something’s off. He has his routine: usually, he wanders around the house yowling for his favourite toy, a ‘dead bird,’ whenever my partner goes out, and presents it at the front door to “summon him back.” But tonight was different. Bug stayed by my side, curling up on my lap, looking at me with a silent understanding. In his quiet, unspoken way, he could see ‘mummy’s not right.’ I’m touched that he could sense my sadness so deeply, and I’m moved by his attempt to comfort me. Here we sit together, two quiet beings sharing an unspoken understanding.
I’ve been ignoring this feeling for a while now, hoping it would pass. But it’s like a storm gathering on the horizon. Suddenly, it’s here, leaving me feeling helpless, like I’ve been swept off course. The familiar refrain of “I’m not good enough” begins playing, pulling me into self-criticism and worry. And now I find myself caught between wanting to move forward yet feeling stuck, spinning my wheels but getting nowhere.
At times, I feel undeserving of the love and encouragement of those who care about me. I replay their words of support, feeling a mix of gratitude and guilt. I wish I could show them that their belief hasn’t been wasted. What if this is as far as I get? What if I am truly stuck here? The weight of feeling like a let-down hangs heavily.
Self-care feels difficult right now. I know I have some control over my feelings, that I can choose to lead or let myself sink further. But there’s a part of me that feels oddly at home in this place, in the familiarity of doubt and heaviness. Yet, I know this isn’t where I want to stay. I take a deep breath, finding the courage to sit with these feelings, to acknowledge their presence without letting them define me.
Fifteen minutes of breathing exercises loosen the tightness in my chest. Listening to the sea, I balance my breath, exploring the tangled emotions within me. My body is sending a clear message that something needs attention, that I need to pause and truly listen. So, I commit to small steps, gentle actions to honour this feeling.
And sometimes, these moments bring relief, like sunlight through the clouds. But it’s fleeting. Balanced breathing… Yoga… Calm. And then, down again. Walking by the sea… Reading a book… And back down. Like clouds drifting across a blue sky, dark feelings come and go, passing across my awareness. Each time, I’m reminded that they’re just clouds—they won’t stay forever.
I’m on the cusp of letting go. Perhaps letting go of hope. Or maybe of what’s standing in the way of hope—the things that drain without meaning. It’s an internal tug-of-war, my head vs. my heart. Yet, in this gentle wrestling, there’s a quiet call for change, a sense that maybe it’s time to move forward, but in a new direction.
Even now, I remind myself—and you—that we are enough. Just as we are, in all our strengths and struggles, with our quiet moments and loud doubts. Yes, I am enough. And so are you.
Maybe letting go is part of the growth journey we’re on together.
