Confirmation Bias: How It Shapes Our Thoughts and Connections

Have you ever found yourself paying attention only to the feedback that confirms what you already believe? Perhaps you think, “I’m not good at social situations,” and then notice only the moments that support that belief while dismissing the times you felt at ease in a group. This common mental shortcut is known as confirmation bias. It’s something we all experience, but being aware of it can help us see ourselves and others in a more balanced light.

For those of us in our quiet community, confirmation bias can subtly reinforce self-doubt, make us feel more isolated, or even hold us back from reaching out. For example, we might interpret someone’s brief pause in conversation as disinterest, overlooking their genuine curiosity or the pressures they might be feeling themselves. This bias can mean that we unintentionally create barriers to the connections and understanding we deeply value. Let’s explore what confirmation bias is, how to recognise it in ourselves, and what we can do to adjust our thinking.

What Is Confirmation Bias?

Confirmation bias is the tendency to search for, interpret, and remember information in a way that supports our existing beliefs or assumptions – and it happens quite automatically! For quiet individuals or those experiencing social anxiety, this can mean that we’re more likely to notice and remember moments that seem to confirm our self-doubts or fears of rejection, making it harder to recognise our strengths or the positive responses we receive from others. It’s a mental shortcut that helps us make sense of the world, but it can also blind us to a fuller picture.

For example, if you believe that you’re awkward in conversations, you might notice every little stumble over your words or moment of silence and take these as proof. At the same time, you might completely overlook the smiles and nods of encouragement from the person you’re speaking with or the times they’re genuinely engaged in what you’re saying.

Confirmation bias doesn’t just affect how we see ourselves —it can also shape how we view others and our interactions with them. If you assume someone won’t want to connect with you, you might focus on subtle signals that seem to confirm that belief while ignoring signs of their interest or openness.

Why Does This Happen?

Our brains are wired to look for patterns, much like how we might see shapes in clouds or hear familiar tunes in random sounds. This ability helps us make sense of the world, but it can also mean we overlook details that don’t fit our expectations. Confirmation bias makes it easier to process information quickly by filtering out what doesn’t fit our current understanding of the world. However, this means that we can end up in a mental echo chamber, seeing only what aligns with our expectations and missing out on opportunities for growth and connection.

When it comes to social anxiety, introversion, or sensitivity, confirmation bias can amplify feelings of not being enough or not belonging. For instance, you might recall a situation where someone didn’t respond to your message immediately and interpret it as disinterest, even if they were simply busy. This pattern reinforces self-doubt, making it harder to see the possibility of genuine care or connection. Over time, these beliefs can become deeply ingrained, making it even harder to challenge them.

How to Recognise Confirmation Bias

The first step to addressing confirmation bias is noticing when it’s happening. Here are some signs to look out for:

1. You focus on the negatives: Do you find yourself dwelling on what went wrong in a situation and dismissing what went well?
2. You anticipate rejection: Are you assuming someone will react in a certain way without giving them a chance to prove otherwise?
3. You’re resistant to feedback: When someone offers you a different perspective, do you find yourself automatically dismissing it?
4. Your thoughts loop back to the same conclusion: Are you revisiting familiar doubts or fears, even when there’s evidence to the contrary?

Adjusting Your Thinking

Becoming aware of confirmation bias is empowering because it gives you a chance to choose a new way of thinking. Here are some gentle strategies to help:

1. Pause and notice: When a thought arises, pause and ask yourself: Is this the full picture? Am I focusing only on evidence that supports my belief?
2. Seek out the positives: Actively look for signs that challenge your assumptions. For example, if you believe you’re not good at making connections, try to recall moments when you felt a spark of understanding or kindness with someone.
3. Invite curiosity: Approach situations and people with curiosity rather than judgment. Ask yourself: What else might be true here?
4. Practice self-compassion: Remind yourself that everyone has moments of doubt or difficulty. You’re not alone, and you’re not defined by any single experience.
5. Share your experiences: In our Quiet Connections community, you’ll find people who understand what it’s like to navigate these challenges. Sharing your thoughts with others can help you see different perspectives and feel less alone.

Moving Forward Together

Confirmation bias is a natural part of being human, but it doesn’t have to limit us. By becoming aware of this tendency and gently challenging our assumptions, we can start to see ourselves and the world around us in a more balanced and hopeful way.

Together, we can create space for kinder and more inclusive stories about who we are and what we’re capable of. Every step you take toward recognising and adjusting confirmation bias is a step toward greater self-acceptance and deeper connections with others.

If this resonates with you, we’d love to hear your thoughts or experiences in the comments or at one of our Meet Ups. Let’s continue learning, exploring, and growing together as a community.