Quieteer

Esther

“When I first came to Quiet Connections, I found human interactions really difficult, and I had a very intense fear of being judged, felt unworthy and ashamed. I very much thought that I was defected and that there was something wrong with me. 

Working with Quiet Connections made me start to challenge my limiting beliefs and see that my thoughts are not my reality; they’re very powerful, but they don’t define who I am. I realised that actually I’m not all these labels that I had said to me over the years and it’s made me challenge how I saw myself and to stop rejecting myself.

I want people to know that there’s hope. Just because you’re used to thinking and behaving in a certain way, it doesn’t mean that that is your destiny. And I would definitely recommend doing comfort zone stretches because there’s no joy in being stuck. They say life begins at the end of it and it definitely true.“

Quieteer

Lizzie

“The me before I connected with you guys would hardly make eye contact, would not speak at all, I would be the wallpaper in the background. I’d be present, but I couldn’t dare have an opinion or share it if I did have it because people might reject it. They might not approve of it. It might cause a bit of confrontation or a bit of unease if it’s a differing opinion to someone. So it’s just safer to be quiet and not speak. And I don’t do that now. I can’t. It doesn’t well with me because I am more okay with who I am. There is that higher level of acceptance in me. 

It’s really difficult to pinpoint one main thing that helped. If I really had to push it’s going to sound way too simple for the significance it had, but it was the learning or just that shift in perspective and that change, that I am not my anxiety. Anxiety is something I experience. It’s something that I feel, it’s not my identity. It’s not me. I’m not inherently wrong or broken or faulty when I’m anxious. I’m me and I’m whole, and I just experience anxiety and anxiousness in specific moments. And that distance between it not being me and who I am, allowed me to get comfortable with the uncomfortableness of it.

Before I said I was anxious like it was me like, like I’m tall or I have brown hair. And actually, no, that’s not true. I can feel anxious. But it’s not who I am. It’s very empowering because once you realise that, you get to choose what you think and how you decide to think it. It’s a big part of my journey. 

I don’t know if I would be doing what I’m doing now if I hadn’t have had the coaching with you. There’s hope and there’s a future. And I am really nervous about it. I still feel anxious. But I’m not in that place where I can’t function because of it. It doesn’t completely shut me down. It doesn’t make me freeze. There’s also a lot of compassion and understanding, but I’m also okay with the fact that actually, I am quite quiet and I’m very empathetic and I need to be able to retreat and have my quiet, calm space and that’s okay. I’m okay with that now. Whereas before, it would have just added to the feeling like I was wrong or faulty because it was going against the grain.

I am really grateful for the difference the experience of Quiet Connections has made. I found a sense of belonging, a community. I found a different level of acceptance within myself and the compassion for me when I’m experiencing anxiety. I continue to get lots from the various workshops and podcasts, since I’m an active member in the community after my coaching had finished. There’s a knowing that when you’re there, that other people are there because, whilst that content is very different to yours because we’re also individual with our experiences, the theme is the same. It could be anxiety that shows up like flight. It could be like I was very much freeze and being invisible, but the theme of anxiety runs through it. It’s a connectedness for people that are quiet and it doesn’t matter how the quiet shows up for them. It could be literally don’t speak ever, it could be quiet as in we don’t ever share what we really think, but we’re very vocal, but quiet can manifest very differently for people. And that space that you have created is a way to connect to people which tells me that on a level somewhere, I’m not on my own.”

Quieteer

Amanda

“I first reached out to Quiet Connections because I really struggled to engage with people and felt easier and safer to stay inside the house on my own and to not communicate because that way I couldn’t get hurt or let down or whatever was going on in my head on that day. My self-worth was really low, I had no belief in myself and didn’t feel that what I had to say was worth knowing. What I really wanted to say was stuck inside of me. 

But by talking that through with you and your persistence with me and just kept hearing me and listening to me and holding me in that space and that reassurance of knowing it was okay, eventually I started to believe that I was okay. That’s the beauty of QC, I never felt rushed, it was just allowing me to just unfold naturally with no pressure, allowing me to be, which was a beautiful part of the process really looking back on it.

One of the things that I’ve really liked about Quiet Connections was because I had the option of a phone call, I wasn’t face to face with you and there was some anonymity, and not actually having to sit in a big like a counselling room or anything, and that really helped me open up and be more real. Then building up a relationship and being able to talk openly and honestly and not to scare anyone away and see that actually it was quite normal what I was going through. I just felt really held with no judgement there which very gently helped me to have some more belief in myself and hear my own voice as well. When this stuff was mirrored back to me, it didn’t feel quite so bad because it wasn’t all just trapped in my head. There was a relief just in being able to speak about what was going on for me.

I was given different strategies to cope with some of the things that I was feeling, and I just felt really honoured as a person I suppose by somebody just listening and caring and taking that time out. It helped me to feel better about myself. Which helped me to then, realise not everyone’s going to run away from me when I step outside the door and it restored some of that self-belief. It had a knock on effect that I started to feel motivated, I started to have some more self-worth and felt the old me coming back really which was really good.

I don’t know that there actually was any one thing that helped, I think a combination of lots of things did. The Brene Brown books are a huge help, which you recommended, her work is just amazing. And having that sense of belonging and being heard and being held in that space was a catalyst for everything else that kind of came after that really.

I learnt to embrace the process, because on the other side of whatever you’re feeling and going through is that person just waiting to come out and blossom. I think it’s a bit like the seasons, that we all go through all the different seasons. It’s something that I say to some of my clients now; we’re in the season, a bit like winter when everything’s all a bit dying off and just not there and nothing’s happening. But the root system is there you know we’re still, we’re still here, we’re still present our roots are there; and it’s just not trying to force anything and I’d say well it’s a bit like a plant. You know it’s got all these branches coming off of it. But the plant doesn’t say to itself “ooh I’ve got to try and force this and make it happen” you know for the buds to come out, it just does. You know by god, the universe whatever you believe in, it will just happen by believing. Like the flower just blossoms. Having that faith and hanging on and just digging deep and just trusting the process I think, which at the time I didn’t think it would but it has, clearly, I’m blossoming.”

Quieteer

Julia

“The first time I came for a coaching session I didn’t really know what it was doing with my life at all. I couldn’t figure out what would be the best way to spend it in the most fulfilling and valuable way. And this is where I realised there was a lot of thinking and a lot of self-reflecting and a lot of despair. I realised that I needed help understanding what my purpose was and what do I do now?

I had a few sessions where I was asked some really thought-provoking questions around my purpose and what that needs to be like. It made me realise that I didn’t need to do grand things to be able to hit my purpose. It was all about making the space around me the way I wanted, and then this had a knock effect on other people. Coaching really did help me. I could not conceive achieving purpose without without having to be some sort of public figure or to go and meet people before and you helped me consider it in a way that feels much more manageable and much less scary. So that was definitely something that helped me move forward, finding some rewards and purpose in my life. I learned what makes you worthy is just being here. 

Before I would be someone who was not self-aware at all of how I would feel. I would feel ashamed of my feelings. And also I would be somebody who would keep things in. And since I started my journey, I realised that all these emotions are here for a reason. And today I’m much more observant of those emotions. Before I would try and hide or not feel all these what we call negative emotions or be ashamed of them. But today, every time I feel uncomfortable, I feel those feelings, I try to welcome them in, in a kinder way, because if they are here, there’s a reason and I want to observe this reason. If they are here, that means that something’s going on within me that I should pay attention to. And this is what this journey has been all about. And that makes me feel strong, because all my life I’ve been kind of told that you should not feel this way, smile. And I realise how much damage this does because we’re completely annihilating that side of ourselves and something that is profoundly human and we just shoved it away. Whereas we should definitely listen to it. The more I listened to my emotion, the kinder I am to myself, the more compassionate I am to myself, and the more self-aware I am as well.

Going through that journey is really hard, but to trust that it really is for the better that it’s going to be a journey of self discovery and observation of ourselves, and to challenge ourselves, it’s insanely difficult, but it’s the most liberating thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. I can now celebrate I’ve reacted in a way I would not have reacted two weeks ago. Change is difficult and slow, but it happens. Embark on this journey, the person you’ll become will be an amazing human being you’ll be so proud of, because it’ll be you.”

Quieteer

Rose

“When I first met Hayley from Quiet Connections, I was very lonely in myself. I had limited confidence and no self-esteem or self-belief. I didn’t feel worthy of others time, effort, help or love.

With Hayley’s help, and Quiet Connections, I began to feel differently about myself. I discovered I could do the things I was scared of, and I was likeable. It made me feel more rounded as a person. I joined the groups and did different group activities and had fun while being my true self… Happy Dance and all!

I think the biggest thing I’ve learned from Hayley and also Stacie is to trust. Both myself and others. I have belief in myself as a good person now. I can act with grace and love to myself as well as those around me. This has enabled me to develop friendships with new people.

My message to other people is to be your own authentic self, quiet otherwise, we’re all worthy of love time and attention.”